nails grow faster in Korea....
So, I fought this tooth and nail - to actually update something that I really don't want to do. I don't know why, but I'm sure that I'll come around, and type something worthwhile that will make you say "thanks, I'm glad you did it.....finally".
Okay, so maybe you probably won't say thanks. And I'm already smiling at myself in the mirror, so don't worry, I'm sure this will be worth your time.
So the past few weeks for me have been pretty rough on me, a little mentally, moreso spiritually. I'll leave the mentally part at saying this: Love is a strange thing - just when you might think you're old enough to understand it, something goes and screws it up for you. I just wish that it could be like a sudoku puzzle - eventually, after trial and error, you get it right, and you have that sense of completion. Unfortunately, its not. not even close (and I'll leave it at this - "Love is the impossible Sudoku puzzle" - too big for me to accomplish-now....)
Spiritually, it's been a little strange for me. I've been reading a book called "blue like jazz": good friends of my parents bought for me as a gift. At first, I was skeptical, because it seemed a little flukey: "nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituality" - if you can decipher that line to begin with, you're further than I was when I started the book. But its been strangely what I needed. Since I've been here in Korea, and outside of the propaganda headquarters that is Calvin college, (or as my friend Michelle Huyser says, the "Calvin bubble"), you realize that certain things, especially religious things, are much different from when you were inside of "Calvinist Mecca". What I'm fumbling to say is this - when I was at Calvin, I sometimes felt like I was in grown-up Sunday school: "here's your serving of Calvinist (and other) Christianity, and its "truth", so don't worry, its good for body and soul". And while that might be true, there were certain things that I still didn't understand when I left Calvin; things that were "explained" to me, but no matter how much I studied it, I still didn't grasp what my professor was trying to say. Things such as the Trinity; I still didn't understand it when I left Calvin, and I still don't understand it now. And when I had my birthday, and I turned the cool age of 25 - the quarter century, I felt this overwhelming disappointment that came when I tried to explain something about Christianity, and I couldn't do it; I couldn't. And I felt like a failure. And for some reason, reading Daniel Miller's book has been somewhat of a comfort - reading it has allowed me to feel comfortable in my spirituality, and revel in the fact that myself not knowing the Trinity is okay; there's certain parts of Christianity that I will probably never understand until I get to heaven; so I may as well stop hitting myself for not understanding it...
trust me when I say that there's more to it than just that, but that's just a sliver of the things that I've been struggling with. Another weird thing has been me being in Korea for 15 months now - I'm finally starting to get that itch to go home, see things that are (or were at some point) familiar to me; to hear people speaking English at "normal" speed, and to do things like drive a car, and finish work at a relatively sane hour (and not 7:30 and 8:30pm like I do now) Don't bother asking me what has led me to this now - who knows - it will probably pass, but I'm starting to also really miss my friends. People that I haven't seen for over a year are starting to come to mind, as me wanting to just meet up with them, have a beer (or two) and just catch up on stuff, and shoot the shit. Oh well, there will be lots of time for that when I come home.....
well, I've got to get off - this is getting probably too long for some of you - you're presently reminding yourself: "this guy is known for his long-windedness......", "when he gets going, there's no stopping him....", and my personal favourite "zzzzzzzzz...Is he done yet....?" so I'm done. If you've got some extra prayer space, I'd love to fill that spot. And if you have any needs, please send them my way.
take care ya'll, I'll catch up with you after I finish my sudoku...
me
Okay, so maybe you probably won't say thanks. And I'm already smiling at myself in the mirror, so don't worry, I'm sure this will be worth your time.
So the past few weeks for me have been pretty rough on me, a little mentally, moreso spiritually. I'll leave the mentally part at saying this: Love is a strange thing - just when you might think you're old enough to understand it, something goes and screws it up for you. I just wish that it could be like a sudoku puzzle - eventually, after trial and error, you get it right, and you have that sense of completion. Unfortunately, its not. not even close (and I'll leave it at this - "Love is the impossible Sudoku puzzle" - too big for me to accomplish-now....)
Spiritually, it's been a little strange for me. I've been reading a book called "blue like jazz": good friends of my parents bought for me as a gift. At first, I was skeptical, because it seemed a little flukey: "nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituality" - if you can decipher that line to begin with, you're further than I was when I started the book. But its been strangely what I needed. Since I've been here in Korea, and outside of the propaganda headquarters that is Calvin college, (or as my friend Michelle Huyser says, the "Calvin bubble"), you realize that certain things, especially religious things, are much different from when you were inside of "Calvinist Mecca". What I'm fumbling to say is this - when I was at Calvin, I sometimes felt like I was in grown-up Sunday school: "here's your serving of Calvinist (and other) Christianity, and its "truth", so don't worry, its good for body and soul". And while that might be true, there were certain things that I still didn't understand when I left Calvin; things that were "explained" to me, but no matter how much I studied it, I still didn't grasp what my professor was trying to say. Things such as the Trinity; I still didn't understand it when I left Calvin, and I still don't understand it now. And when I had my birthday, and I turned the cool age of 25 - the quarter century, I felt this overwhelming disappointment that came when I tried to explain something about Christianity, and I couldn't do it; I couldn't. And I felt like a failure. And for some reason, reading Daniel Miller's book has been somewhat of a comfort - reading it has allowed me to feel comfortable in my spirituality, and revel in the fact that myself not knowing the Trinity is okay; there's certain parts of Christianity that I will probably never understand until I get to heaven; so I may as well stop hitting myself for not understanding it...
trust me when I say that there's more to it than just that, but that's just a sliver of the things that I've been struggling with. Another weird thing has been me being in Korea for 15 months now - I'm finally starting to get that itch to go home, see things that are (or were at some point) familiar to me; to hear people speaking English at "normal" speed, and to do things like drive a car, and finish work at a relatively sane hour (and not 7:30 and 8:30pm like I do now) Don't bother asking me what has led me to this now - who knows - it will probably pass, but I'm starting to also really miss my friends. People that I haven't seen for over a year are starting to come to mind, as me wanting to just meet up with them, have a beer (or two) and just catch up on stuff, and shoot the shit. Oh well, there will be lots of time for that when I come home.....
well, I've got to get off - this is getting probably too long for some of you - you're presently reminding yourself: "this guy is known for his long-windedness......", "when he gets going, there's no stopping him....", and my personal favourite "zzzzzzzzz...Is he done yet....?" so I'm done. If you've got some extra prayer space, I'd love to fill that spot. And if you have any needs, please send them my way.
take care ya'll, I'll catch up with you after I finish my sudoku...
me
6/02/2006 05:25:00 a.m.
thanks for quoting me big beefy. I appreciated what you had to say in this. I feel like I can relate.
michelle top
6/02/2006 10:58:00 a.m.
Everytime I read that name, I remember the Beltline Bar... in the same sense, thanks for the comment drags (dragon slayer - for those less informed) - you've started a run of comments that is nothing short of miracle-istic.... (hey, its my blog, i can invent words if i want) top