The umbrella conspiracy..... Tuesday, May 29, 2007 |
If their were a conspiracy group for those who believe that all umbrella's are manufactured by a major conglomerate of companies who strictly are in it to make money hand over fist, then I would like to apply for membership.
So far this year, I've unfortunately spent over 20,000 Won on umbrella's, and the rainy season hasn't even started yet. I've gone through two umbrella's, and I'm working on my third; my first being a piece of junk that I found lying around, the second I purchased at a reputable store, and my third a semi-automatic opening closing mid-size. I know that I'll end up buying yet another umbrella, as this years rainstorms have proved to be drenching and windy enough to tear your umbrella a new one...And yes, in Korea, umbrella's are sophisticated enough to draw automobile analogies.
First, you have the compact mini size. Cheap and often looked down on by the upper-crust of umbrella users, these umbrella's are usually black, and can be found left on subways, buses, and inside taxi's, where their size leaves them easily forgettable. They are also easily destroyed in one fell swoop, if the situations are right. Then, they are discarded, virtually a right-off. Their are high-market compacts available, (think SMART cars) but they're all the same - one ding, and they're done.
Next, you have the mid-size range. These are often more expensive, and can withstand a little wind and rain before they give out - but not much. They range from the cheaper variety of simple black with wooden handles, to the higher-ranged curved/rubber-enhanced grips, with semi-automatic opening and closing. These also come in a wide variety of colours, from plaid to simple black. Widely affordable, for many, this is the best option. They too however, similar to the compact size, are virtually a right-off after a full-scale onslaught of wind and rain. However, because of their size and heavier weight, they are often held onto by their owners, and not left anywhere; a safe and trusty surefire safe bet for any user. Both the compact and mid-sized umbrella's try to fool you with fancy names of "Parisian" origin, for style points. This however is just a pathetic ploy, as they're all made by the same shit-for-brains companies who build them to die after five uses, so you come back to them for another one. Name's mean nothing - only durability... (I should add however that if were the opportunity to purchase an umbrella made by the "Tank", or "Indestructable" were for sale, I would feel naively buy one and feel safer using it)
And then their's the queen-bee of umbrella's, or for those of you who know this reference, the "Chairman" of umbrella's -the full-sized golf-umbrella. For those who don't know, golf is a status symbol in Korea. If you golf, or can afford to, you're lucky. For most, the above-ground golf-ranges are as close as they'll get to the course, and with green-fee's at over 150,000 Won for 18 holes - and up - theirs a reason that many can only wish they could go golfing. So many resort to the full-sized golf-umbrella instead. However, don't think that anyone can join this elite club. Just because you wear golf-clothing doesn't make you a golfer. Oh no....just because you carry a golf-umbrella doesn't mean its a "real" umbrella. Cheap imitations abound....many a Korean has bought a golf-umbrella on the subway, thinking it to be of high-quality. Only to be let down after the first storm, when their umbrella falls apart faster than George Bush's approval ratings. That's what separates the "real" winners from the wannabes....so to speak. They'll parade in their "Ping", "Titleist", and "Pinnacle" golf umbrellas, and be the envy of everyone who's drenched by the horizontal rain that falls in this country....
I for one am both a compact and mid-sized owner - one's for emergency purposes, and stays with me always. My mid-size only comes out when i KNOW its going to rain - which, if you go by the weather reports in this country, seems to be hovering around a 20% success rate.
The only question is, which owner are you?
So far this year, I've unfortunately spent over 20,000 Won on umbrella's, and the rainy season hasn't even started yet. I've gone through two umbrella's, and I'm working on my third; my first being a piece of junk that I found lying around, the second I purchased at a reputable store, and my third a semi-automatic opening closing mid-size. I know that I'll end up buying yet another umbrella, as this years rainstorms have proved to be drenching and windy enough to tear your umbrella a new one...And yes, in Korea, umbrella's are sophisticated enough to draw automobile analogies.
First, you have the compact mini size. Cheap and often looked down on by the upper-crust of umbrella users, these umbrella's are usually black, and can be found left on subways, buses, and inside taxi's, where their size leaves them easily forgettable. They are also easily destroyed in one fell swoop, if the situations are right. Then, they are discarded, virtually a right-off. Their are high-market compacts available, (think SMART cars) but they're all the same - one ding, and they're done.
Next, you have the mid-size range. These are often more expensive, and can withstand a little wind and rain before they give out - but not much. They range from the cheaper variety of simple black with wooden handles, to the higher-ranged curved/rubber-enhanced grips, with semi-automatic opening and closing. These also come in a wide variety of colours, from plaid to simple black. Widely affordable, for many, this is the best option. They too however, similar to the compact size, are virtually a right-off after a full-scale onslaught of wind and rain. However, because of their size and heavier weight, they are often held onto by their owners, and not left anywhere; a safe and trusty surefire safe bet for any user. Both the compact and mid-sized umbrella's try to fool you with fancy names of "Parisian" origin, for style points. This however is just a pathetic ploy, as they're all made by the same shit-for-brains companies who build them to die after five uses, so you come back to them for another one. Name's mean nothing - only durability... (I should add however that if were the opportunity to purchase an umbrella made by the "Tank", or "Indestructable" were for sale, I would feel naively buy one and feel safer using it)
And then their's the queen-bee of umbrella's, or for those of you who know this reference, the "Chairman" of umbrella's -the full-sized golf-umbrella. For those who don't know, golf is a status symbol in Korea. If you golf, or can afford to, you're lucky. For most, the above-ground golf-ranges are as close as they'll get to the course, and with green-fee's at over 150,000 Won for 18 holes - and up - theirs a reason that many can only wish they could go golfing. So many resort to the full-sized golf-umbrella instead. However, don't think that anyone can join this elite club. Just because you wear golf-clothing doesn't make you a golfer. Oh no....just because you carry a golf-umbrella doesn't mean its a "real" umbrella. Cheap imitations abound....many a Korean has bought a golf-umbrella on the subway, thinking it to be of high-quality. Only to be let down after the first storm, when their umbrella falls apart faster than George Bush's approval ratings. That's what separates the "real" winners from the wannabes....so to speak. They'll parade in their "Ping", "Titleist", and "Pinnacle" golf umbrellas, and be the envy of everyone who's drenched by the horizontal rain that falls in this country....
I for one am both a compact and mid-sized owner - one's for emergency purposes, and stays with me always. My mid-size only comes out when i KNOW its going to rain - which, if you go by the weather reports in this country, seems to be hovering around a 20% success rate.
The only question is, which owner are you?